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Date: Sat 24 Jun, 2006 at 13:26
Headline: Expectations
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Greetings & Salutations!

So...the Arts Fest show is coming up tonight.

Honestly, this one could go either way. When we first booked it, we considered it an important show, with a capital I. It was to be the coming out party for Clarity, and the biggest audiovisual extravaganza we have ever performed in our hometown. A feather in the cap, to be sure. And with some rigorous documentation, something we could use to promote ourselves in the marketplace for a long time. At this point, none of those things look to be the case. Well, that's not exactly true -- the stage is awfully big, so we've got that going for us.

Duplication of the CD has been delayed, so this won't be a de-facto release party. It's very unlikely that it will be filmed or recorded in any professionally useable way. And we have seen assurances and contributions from the PTB fall away one by one as we get closer and closer to showtime, to the point that I honestly don't know what's going to happen tonight. To say that I'm apprehensive would be an understatement in the extreme.

It is now that I need to radically alter my expectations -- for the sake of the show, and the sake of my sanity. Not only am I still disappointedly clinging to the romantic notion of the event that this was supposed to be, but the reality of what we have dealt with so far and the knowledge of what we're up against tonight has put an immense chip on my shoulder about the entire situation. There are a number of different things which could potentially set me off, and I am pretty sure that each and every one of them will be occurring tonight, so I need to do my best to just focus on the music and forget everything else. Things are going to be hairy enough for everyone involved without me thrashing about in a sort of impotent nihilism on top of it all.

Hanging out with Daryn as we were setting things up last night (or, more often, failing to set things up last night) sort of helped me crystalize the attitude that I should adopt. Sure he's nervous, like the rest of us, but has no worries over business or missed opportunities, no attachment to the way things ought to be. He's just thrilled to be performing for a big crowd on a big stage, digging in and doing what he does best -- playing the hell out of his instrument and connecting to the music. If I am going to take anything positive away from this experience, that's what I need to do too. It's all there is.

In a way, it's always all there is.

Full report tomorrow.

TB